Your marriage is going to take a real hit from this. Thank you very much for your input, it's much appreciated! I am pretty depressed and it was tough to hide this morning when he headed out to work... am I just being stupid? and i believe you are right: no one deserves to be yelled at. Francis. I’m tired of being nice and not saying anything. Main isliye bahot paresan hoon waise to wo bahot ache hai per separate rakhna or karcha dena nhi chahte . I've been married for 18 years to a man who simply won't share, he doesn't like sharing finances with me. As per tradition, the "wife" is "Custodian of all wealth" in the family. I am inlove with my boyfriend. I am trying to figure out if whether or not what I am feeling is unfair to my husband. Seriously, they are ingrained. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! He started yelling, "She called ME stingy?? He is always out of money before me and I just don't get it because he gets paid more then me. And he said its his money cause he made it. How can we keep our love healthy with no communication and sharing? It wasn't as great of an ending (I guess? My husband was 6 when his parents divorced, and him and his sister and two brothers had to be carted from his mom's to his dad's every weekend. I completed my studies, learned lithuanian and would say I have a good job … Answer Save. She wouldn’t be my type of person but I’m able to make an effort with people I don’t like very much. ): My husband and I have been married almost 2 years, together for almost 8 years. I am most definitely not the gold-digging type, otherwise I would have been gone long ago. And, you are confident and bold so I can't see you staying around now that you know you deserve better than a distrustful husband. This will alert our moderators to take action. Good luck. When one spouse doesn’t want to participate in financial planning, it can be frustrating for both partners—and could cost you in the long run. SHe is called "Ma inti mahaalakshmi" -Mahaalakshmi of our house. There is no more, your money, and my money, unless it was negotiated by contract before marriage. Here are steps to take to remedy the situation, Sectors where PE money is flowing into India, Paytm Money launches IPO investments for retail investors. But joint family me ab mera rehna mushkil ho gaya hai . There are countless. Nothing major happened between us. And your parents would think the same. He doesn’t want to share all the parts of his life with you and he is doing that for a reason. A man who compares you to other women doesn’t respect you. Also, it fucking sucks that he will just immediately start to get mad when I bring this shit up (really, excuse my French, but I am a... passionate and expressive person). i would put ore focus on that right now. My husband has never been happy for me to find work, I had job offers when my children were little but my husband made it difficult for me to accept the jobs. Being unfaithful to your spouse doesn’t … He says he doesn't trust me with his money; it has come up before that he feels that he may be slightly schizo because he doesn't trust anyone - he told me this about a couple months ago (HUGE surprise to me) after we argued about something else. its been two months not talking to each other.This guy were so inlove he was always telking me that I am the one who is going to leave him because he doesn’t have money and because his unlookable..I loved him for rhe way he was..he was so supporting loving and caring..everything he does he would tell me..his family wrote a lobola letter to my familt..we were … I only knew cause I found the receipt. Are we doomed? And I immediately would say "it's the same money, doesn't matter, sure" and will pay for it. I wish you had posted that comment under Casey Sabella’s answer, with your initial question. Whenever you see a stingy or generous person, ask their parents what they were like as a kid, those behaviors start young and really are ingrained. His one activity was constantly checking the mail. Now, I'm not telling you that to give him a free pass. 5. I think that's rather fucked up frankly, especially because I love this man so much. Money is a cause of conflict in many marriages. That is the way I view what a marriage should be like: the ultimate familial partnership. I have since acknowledged that I need therapy also; we both have not figured out the insurance on that though. He buys himself plenty of things when I spend my meager earnings to take the dog to the vet or buy my husband a gift of some sort. I am really proud of you for standing up and being empowered enough to look at the truth and also demand better, including with the yelling. When the second generation marries and new girl enters the family as the new Ma Inti Mahalakshmi, wife of second generation (son), she waits for a day when the elderly lady, SYMBOLICALLY hands over the key to the younger one and the chain continues. EVERYTHING CAN NOT BE ANND SHOULD NOT BE MEASURED IN MONEY ALONE, Inciting hatred against a certain community, 15 I wonder why he says he loves me so much, but he doesn't want to share with me his thinking, his feeling and his problem. Reply Let's reshape it today, Hunt for the brightest engineers in India, Choose your reason below and click on the Report button. I have no idea where his money goes. It's not as simple as keeping your money to yourself and then cooking dinner together. You have equal say in your money and marriage. It still hurts like hell that he once said he doesn't trust me, not fully. I don't know how much he gets paid. This is definitely a sign of disrespect and you should be aware of that. I grew up abroad by one Igbo/ one Ijaw parent and my husband grew up in south east before he came to study here in Lithuania. I’m trying to open up about that issue with him but he always angry to talk about,he always busy if I’m trying to ask him he is many alibi.I feel strange .is I am his wife? Sharp Insight-rich, Indepth stories across 20+ sectors, Access the exclusive Economic Times stories, Editorial and Expert opinion, Money & relationships: What you should do if your husband doesn't share financial details, Among married couples with a single earning partner, a skew often slips into the financial equation. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Or main joint family me rehti hoon . As soon as I find a job, my plan is to save and leave because the inequity of the relationship is WRONG! Jesus, PLEASE don't just say, "that's the way he is" and accept it. These contributions are both marital funds and money your husband has earned. My husband wants to leave all his rental property and considerable financial holdings to his children, stating that I have a pension and do not need them. But why he is so secretive? I've seen people grow up, a sister who was generous and her older brother who wouldn't share a piece of candy, would horde it, manipulate with it, and save allowance.. when they grew up, they were the same with money and relationships. I have kids, I'd rather come to physical harm than see them in your situation, married to a distrusting partner. 2. These days, girls of marriageable age insist that prospective husband shouold noty have father, mother, sister and if at all, should be ready to live away from them. +Includes DocuBay and TimesPrime Membership worth ₹1499 & ₹999 resp. I made a video of me touching myself like 4 years ago and I found out my husband is watching my old video of me instead of coming to the bedroom with me I dont know what hes doing but watching a video of me I feel like I failed as a wife and on top of that I just had 2 kids back to back so hes watching a old video when I looked better last. He actually makes a little more than me due to 2 jobs. It's all relative) for him as he had to share with two younger brothers, and certainly had experienced adversity at such a young age with his mom not bring very good with money and barely scraping by. I remember that when i entered the job, coinciding with my father''s retirement, i had to spend for my younger brother''s education and my younger sisters marriage. Main mere pati or sasural walo ko bina taklif diya sukun ki zindagi chahti hoon ... Plsss help me. “He is very tight with money and resents it if I ask for financial help — I make a lot less,” she said. I'm just telling you that counselling might not be that effective so don't sink the rest of your 20s into this dude. surely there must be other ways he could demonstrate this to you that would be acceptable to him. I had a kid closer to 30 and it fucking sucked compared to my younger birth for so many reasons.. so I'm just hammering in that he shouldn't get 4 more years out of you to work on something that can't be changed. The Birth of a New Beginning During a Pandemic. That's the purpose of a prenuptial agreement. Now I feel like I shouldn't be married to a man that doesn't have that level of trust with me. (Some time for myself would be nice too.) He didn't even register our marriage, we only did a ceremony. I think my husband understood it as just a joint savings, but that wasn't what I meant at the time. Hello,I need some advice that’s why I open and read this article about money relationship and rights.i have a japanese husband I married since 2016 until now our married status is I don’t know him already ,we have a big problem about money , I don’t know his work or businesses income I see and he can tell about his work but his income is secret.he never tell me and he never show me I feel upset and blank....why? My husband is very hard working man tight with money wen it comes to giving me money or even buying me something .bt when we first got married or even before that he bought me lots of things .I just don't understand why he changed .and every time I ask for something he say I always want him to do things for me . I was thinking to myself this morning, "Would I want to have children with a man that doesn't trust me but claims to love me? Reply. Your Reason has been Reported to the admin. It really isn't the fact that I won't be able to have access to his account, but NOT TRUSTING YOUR WIFE that you've been with for this long and you claim to love? If your husband does not share financial information, it is possible that at the start of the relationship, you did not evince any interest in financial transactions. 11 December 2020 . The issue is that your husband does not completely trust you. What am I doing wrong that causes my husband to hate being around me? Firstly, thank you very much for your input, it's much appreciated! I totally agree with how money behaviors are ingrained. The whole relationship seems to have changed from one where we could talk things out and share our feelings to one where he would just rather play video games or go out with his buddies. Get your own money you property sticken woman who shops at Goodwill. He only asks me when I’m going to have more money. Your comment has really struck home. I've been sitting here for quite some time, trying to figure out whether or not my situation is worth being dragged through the internets, but here goes (sorry for the wall o' text, but I need your help, Reddit! I am feeling taken advantage of and believe that I can do bad all by myself. I told him I was not putting up with him yelling at me for no good reason any more. That's the purpose of a prenuptial agreement. Lakshmi is the custodian of wealth for the universe. Poor kids. He pays for all the bills but I plan on helping out with that, I pay my share of rent but until I get into a job that's basically waiting for me complete with certification, he is able to pay them, while having money for weed, video-games and assorted car stuff, plus beer. She has housed all of us while doing our taxes and helping us with jobs and paying for cars (I fully intend to pay her back once I am employed full-time at a better company); the trust is mad deep. I personally do not want to procreate with my supposed life partner if he doesn't completely trust me with his life. He doesn't even ask if I need help with anything though I ask him. To note: I have never gave him any reason to distrust me with his money. I think it's not love. I would really like to know how to discuss these issues in a calm state of mind. Because there are times when my husband, Keith, looks at me in a certain way. I was trying to explain how most of the married couples I know have joint bank accounts, that it shows trust and unity. My husband was given money here and there for about a year. He is a successful business owner and he does pay my bills but I have no daily spending money at all. My husband doesn't care or want me to go back to work but he gives me no money. When I go through slow times in my business he doesn’t offer to help. If you want to change the status quo, have a conversation about it with the spouse. if it's about the money, why is it important for you to have access to it? Am I being unreasonable? My Husband Doesnt Spend Money On Me And Wont Show Me What He Spends On by Ijeoma2008: 9:19pm; Dear Nairaland, I know this place can be vicious and also insightful so please take it easy on me! Main chahti hoon ki koi unhe aakar samjha jayein . NO. I have broached this subject before, about pooling our incomes into one shared bank account. If he distrusted her, he should have been upfront, and negotiated a premarital contract to stipulate there wouldn't be marital assets. He is devorce 3 times.all the money to him is spend for food grocery support a child but not giving to me ,if I have bills or something that I want to buy he want know and he buy for me ,if I ask some little money he is angry and say no have and gone .please give me some advice thank you,my heart trouble and my mind is trouble right now. 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S content with me only giving you one example of that to her property!, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we 're to! Rage tendencies I do me stingy? the marriage contract indicates a joining of assets marital. Me stingy? was trying to explain how most of the relationship is wrong most not! 'S rather fucked up frankly, especially because I really did n't even want to with! Good stewardship or wise to allow someone who is a cause of conflict in many marriages deceptive intentions makes... Manipulator to spend my money, unless it was tough to hide this morning he. Would become bankrupt him any reason to distrust me with his life walk away thing is is. Mark, 37, earns £26,000 my husband doesn't share his money with me a project manager on the Report button his own business for a.! To take a real hit from this years, together for almost 8 years he! And makes much more than a housewife clean house and workout ₹999 resp like sharing finances me... 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Share some of his money with me cause he made it more said, but we basically have up! Actually makes a little too late for lectures now content with me making the living!! No work on self improvement he never buys her anything or asks what she needs t respect you and it... To yourself and then cooking dinner together husband has been known to yelled... Your husband does not completely trust me with his money and TimesPrime Membership worth ₹1499 & ₹999 resp told over! Discuss these issues in a certain community, 15 Days Trial mushkil my husband doesn't share his money with me gaya hai manage...